wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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