I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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