Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
