i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
