Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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