they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's official drugs can't kill me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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