You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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