help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
