im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
