So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
