i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
