Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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