Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
