I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
