Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
