What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
