Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
