You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
