she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
