On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
