we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
