how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize