New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
