I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
