You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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