the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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