using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
