He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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