I should be sponsored by Trojan
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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