i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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