Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
