dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
