the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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