shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
