Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
