Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Actions speak louder than pants.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
