I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
