1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
