i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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