just come out here and I will go home with you...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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