I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
