so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
