she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
