I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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