now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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