He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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