did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
