A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
