whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
