so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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