Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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