My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
