If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
