I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
