can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
apparently the secret to your success is patron
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
