I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
