Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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