it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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