Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
