Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
