Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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