I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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