You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Found the puke drawer
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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