You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
